On last Sunday, my aunt called to inform me of the passing of my mother's and her sister - my aunt and immediately I went into this state of shock and disbelief and I couldn't sleep the rest of the night.  Sleep deprivation didn't bother me because I didn't have to work the following day.  However, I began to pray for help, peace, comfort and the strength of my family members right along with a good night's rest...that didn't happen.  

On Monday, the day went along pretty normal until I received a phone call from my cousin (my deceased aunt's daughter) and she was crying and weeping some awful and I was speechless, so I just cried with her and prayed, again.  Later that day, I went to visit her and offer my condolences and help!  The next day I would go into the hospital to have a dermoid cyst removed and the death of my aunt would float to the back of my mind.

The rest of the week seem to go by quickly because I was recovering from surgery and nursing my incisions!  

My husband was helpful only the day of surgery and his willingness to help went out the front door right along with him on his way to work the next morning!  He was so insensitive to my needs and began to hype himself up about going to Florida with his brother over the weekend, until I was completely annoyed with him.  {Keep in mind:  my mother's sister passed away and I just had surgery}  I didn't express my feelings about how he was acting until Friday, when he was on his way to meet his brother for their weekend adventure.  Anyway, I told him how insensitive he has been towards me and my family and how he was leaving me all alone to care for our 4 year old daughter, myself after surgery and to attend the funeral!  His reply was "your doctor said you are okay and the soreness should go away in a few days and you'll be okay"...on the funeral:  "you weren't that close to your aunt anyway, so..."  I explained to him that I wasn't comfortable driving and that it didn't matter if I was close to my aunt when she died, we were once close and that even if I never spoke to her, she was still my mother's sister!

At the funeral:  Seeing my aunt's body lying in the casket and those pictures of her made the ocean of tears flow!  It was then that I really realized that I never had the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart conversation with my aunt (she and my mom had a falling out years ago and just recently began speaking again, but my aunt was a lil' pissy with my sister and I because we just favored our mom).  I would never get a chance to tell her that I was never angry with her, but she stayed away from us (my sister and I).  I only have memories of the good days and times my aunt and I shared when I was young...she's the one who really taught me to drive (although my father thinks he taught me)...she's the one who gave me my first car (her wrecked fifth avenue)...I only have memories, memories, memories!  I will hold them close to my heart and I have prayed that my aunt didn't carry any hate or malice to her grave, because I didn't have any of that!

My husband is home from his weekend getaway and is wishing he didn't go!  He says he spent too much money!  He better know that feeling was all of God's doing!